Country Jokes / Recent Jokes

Throughout numerous cultures, the concept of the devil has been a constant, yet his name has varied. For instance, In German legend he has been called Krumnase meaning "crooked nose", Ziegenbart meaning "goatbeard", Spiegelglanz meaning "mirror-sight" and finally Shortzenanklez meaning "guy with shorts around his ankles".
Where the odds of getting hit by lightning are almost 1 in a million, the odds are only 1 in 5 that some day you'll get rear-ended in a parking lot by a guy named "Herb".
Although hard to believe, of 1000 proctologists polled, over 79% say that in any given work day, they use the word "AND" far more than they use the word "BUT".
Of 3 million women movie-goers polled, 2.1 million stated that what a date orders at the snack bar can provide an initial indication of that person as a sexual partner. All 2.1 million stated that a date who orders Goobers has "no chance in more...

When Duan Guangqing served as a county magistrate, he was known for his honest, upright nature. One day while passing a grain shop, he saw a crowd of people who seemed to be quarreling about something. Upon inquiry he learned that a country fellow had trampled a chick to death and the boss of the grain shop had asked for nine hundred coins in compensation. Duan Guangqing asked, "Why does a chick cost nine hundred coins?" The fellow from the country answered, "The boss said the chick, which was of fine quality, would weigh nine jin after a few months, The current price for a chicken is one hundred coins per Jin, so he asked me to pay nine hundred coins for the loss." Hearing this, Duan Guangqing asked the boss, "Is that true?" The boss of the grain shop nodded. "Yes, that's the way I calculated it." Then Duan Guangqing brought the case to a conclusion. "It seems that nine hundred coins is not too much. You just pay him that much. If you more...

A Chinese man, a Mexican man and an American man are sitting in a boat. The Chinese man throws a bowl of rice over the boat says, "We have too much of this in our country." The Mexican man takes a dish full of tacos and throws it over the boat and say, "We have too much of this in our country." The American man takes the Mexican man and throws him over the boat and says, "We have to much of this in our country."

A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. "Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!"

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby."Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an
American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa!"
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch more...

A Tourist was driving down a country road in Kentucky when he saw a little boy walking down the road with only one shoe on.
He stopped and said, "What's the matter son? Did you lose a shoe?"
The boy says, "Nope! Just found one."

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole"