Couple Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." more...

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 35?"
"SIXTY-SEVEN mph, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone more...

A man decided to leave work early and go drinking. He stayed at the bar until it closed and by then, he was very drunk. When he got home, he didn't want to wake up his wife, so he removed his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he fell backwards and landed flat on his butt. That wouldn't have been so bad, but he had a couple of empty bottles in his back pocket which broke and carved up his buttocks pretty badly. He was so drunk though, that he didn't even realize he was hurt.
He made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he began to undress. Suddenly noticing some blood, he checked himself out in the mirror. Sure enough, he saw that his behind was cut up something awful. He repaired the damage as best he could, under the circumstances, and went to bed.
When he woke up in the morning, his head was hurting, his backside was hurting, and he was cowering under the covers, trying to think up a good story.
Just then, his wife entered the more...

A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly. The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc. Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them. "No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female." "The Czech is in the male."

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "hes been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even thats not worth so much celebrating!"

There is this old couple and they have been married for a long time. They hadn't had sex in a while, so the wife goes out and buys some crotch less underwear.
She goes home and puts them on and goes downstairs. Her husband is sitting in the living room watching sports on tv and she goes and sits in front of him, but he tries to look around her at the tv.
She opens her legs and says, "You want some of this?"
The husban replies, "Hell no, look what it did to your underwear."

A couple has a male friend visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in and keeps him from traveling. Since the couple doesn't have a guest room, the friend says he'll find a nearby hotel and be on his way in the morning.
"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we are all friends here." The husband agrees, and before long they're settled in: Husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.
After a while, the husband begins snoring. The wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed and invites him to have sex with her. Naturally he'd like to, but he's reluctant. "We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me," he says.
"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair out of his butt. He won't even wake up."
The friend does and, sure enough, more...