Couple Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning. His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. "Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?""Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That," he added, "was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

While playing golf oneday, a young couple hit their golf balls up into the air only to smash two windows in a house near the course. Terribly upset, the couple went to the house to meet the owner and apologize for the incident. Before they even got to the door, a shiek opened the door and welcomed them in surprise.
The couple was stunned to hear that the shiek was infact a ginnie they had freed from his 1000 years of imprisonment in the house. In return for giving him his freedom, the gennie told the couple that they could have anything they wanted.
The couple was really happy and the man asked the gennie to make him the best golf player in the world. With a swift gesture of his hands, the gennie made the man the best golf player in the world. Then the woman asked the gennie to make her a billionaire.
Noticing the young woman's flawless beauty, the gennie asked the couple a favour... He explained how he lived for 1000 years in the house without being able to love a more...

A couple had two boys who were 8 and 10 years old and very mischievous. If there was ever any trouble in town, the couple knew the boys were involved. The mother was told about a local clergyman who was great at disciplining children, so she contacted him and asked if he would speak to her boys. He agreed to meet with them individually and she sent the younger boy to his office.
The clergyman was a huge man with a booming voice. He sat the young boy down and asked, "Where is God?" The boy's eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open, but he didn't utter a sound. With much more strictness, the clergyman repeated the question, "Where is God?" Again, the boy didn't utter a sound, he just sat rigid in his seat.
Furious, the clergyman shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?" The boy let out a scream, ducked out of the room, ran all the way home and hid under his bed.
When his older brother entered the bedroom and found him more...

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesnt want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldnt have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didnt know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morn ing, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, more...

Over Heard at church last Sunday....
Told to the congregation buy the minister
This young couple die in a car accident a week before they are to be
married. So on to heaven they go. Once there they explain to St. Peter
that they were going to be married next week and could they still be
married in heaven. St. Peter says "Ok I will look into this and check it
out with God and get back to you" Time passes and finally on day St. Peter calls the couple to his A few months go buy and the couple go
back to St. Peter and ask him again about their request,. St. Peter told
them that it was ok with God that they get married, "But you will have to
wait until I get every thing ready".
Time passes and office and tells them they can be married this afternoon. Elated the
couple asks "What if we are unhappy and want to get a divorce". St.
Peter exclaims "Divorce!! It's taken me a year and a half to find more...

Chinese Baby A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new child and says "I think we will name him "Sum Ting Wong."

Bob was driving home after a day at the construction site; over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph.
Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?" Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good look at the young bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob said, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a cunt stretcher," replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?!!" asked the patrolman. more...