Course Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why, of course, comes the reply. The first man then asks, Where are you from? Im from Ireland, replies the second man. The first man responds by saying, You dont say. Im from Ireland too. Lets have another round to Ireland. Of course, replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks, Where in Ireland are you from? Dublin, comes the reply. I cant believe it, says the first man, Im from Dublin too. Lets have another drink to Dublin. Of course, replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, What school did you go to? St Marys, replies the second man, I graduated in 1962. This is unbelievable, the first man says. I went to St Marys and I graduated in 1962 too. About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar. Whats been going on? he asks the barman. Nothing much, replies the barman. The OMalley twins are drunk again.

It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden. Neighbor asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed replies, "Well, it was... hmmm... let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...? Neighbor says, "You mean a rose?" Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?

At a municipal golf course, a foursome approached the tee of the 430-yard, par-4 sixth hole. The long, straight fairway ran along a road that was fenced on the right. The green was slightly to the left of the straightaway with another road paralleling the green from which golfers often received the calls of hecklers. The first golfer teed off with a long ball slice in the direction of the road. The ball went over the fence, bounced 150 yards down the road, where it hit the tire of a moving city bus and was knocked back on to the golf course stopping just 10 yards short of the green. As they all stood in amazement, a fellow golfer asked, "How on earth did you do that?" The response came without hesitation, "You have to know the bus schedule."

Dear Bank Manager,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.
No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 1999, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us,
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants?
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried, what has happened to more...

Preacher decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few...
When he gets there, he discovers there isn't anybody else around, and he has the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses...Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and they don't approve of his church hooky-playing..
"Look at that guy," Jesus says, "He should be in church instead of out there. C'mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or something."
"No," God says, "I've something else in mind for him. Watch what happens when he makes his next shot."
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely in the hole.
"What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!" Jesus yells, "That has to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!"
"That's right, son, indeed it is....and because he's alone, he can't tell anyo

A pilot was flying a 747 full of passengers as a voice cracked
over the radio.
It said, "This is Ground Control. Please divert your course 5
degrees east. Over."
The pilot was slightly confused and responded, "10-4, but why
should I divert my course?"
The voice answered, "Your plane and another 747 are about to
pass over a major city and we don't want any excess noise."
The pilot laughed and said, "I'm 31, 000 feet up. What kind of
noise could I cause?"
Ground Control answered, "Have you ever heard the sound that
colliding 747's make?"