Course Jokes / Recent Jokes

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft''''s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter''''s position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter''''s window. The pilot''''s sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew more...

____________________UniversityTo: Professor____________________ From: __________________I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should bechanged from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. ______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: ______ Law School______Medical School ______Graduate School______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in_______________. ______5. I'll lose my scholarship. ______6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam. ______7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam. ______8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact. ______9. I more...

Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a. m. Just as the first was half way up his backswing, a good looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, "What was that about?!!!" "Take no notice. Just get on with the game," replied the other. Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then noticed four men in white coats running across the course on a similar track to the young lady. "What......?!?" "Look. Just get on with the game," said the second. "We don't have all day, and you know the course closes at 9 p. m.," the second says with a chuckle. For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be distracted by another man in a white coat running across the fairway, lugging two more...

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth.The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out."How much to eat?" asked the old man."Don't you more...

A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say,' Of course I will'".

"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was,' Of course I do.'"

At the local golfclub, some lady members complained to the chairman, about all the male golfers, pissing on almost every tree on the course.



The chairman called an extraordinary meeting of the club management, so that they can discuss this problem.



The meeting took hours. Some heated arguments from all sides took place.



It stopped just short of a fistfight.



At last they came upon an agreement, and it was written into the club constitution, that: "Ladies will henceforth, also be allowed to piss on the course."

You can`t hide the truth
Henry Goldberg invited his mother Freda over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Freda couldn`t help but keep noticing how beautiful Henry `s roommate, Debbie, was.
Freda had long been suspicious of a relationship between Henry and Debbie and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Freda started to wonder if there was more between Henry and Debbie than met the eye. Reading his mum`s thoughts, Henry said, "I know what you must be thinking, mum, but I assure you Debbie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Debbie said to Henry "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I`ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don`t suppose she took it, do you?" Henry replied "Well, I doubt it, but I`ll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I`m not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle more...