Court Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta and one of his friends were picked up by the cops for using drugs and appeared in court before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."

In July, Diane Parker accompanied her husband, Richard W. Parker, (who had been accused of drug trafficking) to federal court in Los Angeles.

According to friends, Diane was so supportive that she had come prepared to put up her investment property and her mother's townhouse to make Richard's bail.

However, the prosecutor began reciting to the judge facts about Richard's double life that included a mistress and a safe house, and Diane's expression changed dramatically.

She removed her wedding ring with a flourish, walked out of court, immediately drove to an Orange County office where the mistress worked, and punched her several times before being restrained.

Subject: You Deserve a Break TodaySan Francisco (UPI)-In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right.The high court held that under the the due process clause and the constitutional prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Joseph Jackson, a prisoner at the California Men's Correctional Institue at Camarillo, is entitled to food "of fair average quality," or "comparable to the fare at a modest restaurant or fast-food chain."Mr. Jackson had complained of the poor quality of the prison kitchen's Coq au Vin....

Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you togo out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?""I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: _ / O _ /and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.""That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." more...

These are things that people actually said in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out more...

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.
"They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."