Court Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge. "Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife."

Good news for all those heading off to court. You cannot catch SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) from a family court judge.

Apparently SARS requires a human host to infect you.

If the police arrest a mime...... do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
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In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and more...

What's the difference between God and a family court judge?

God does not think he is a family court judge.

A family law judge wandered by mistake into a criminal court one morning. He immediately gave custody of the kid to the first women he saw and then headed back to his chambers.

In the meantime, back at the court, the Crown Attorney is trying to figure out what to do now that she had custody of Melbo the bank robbing midget.

There was a little 7 year old boy, appearing in court, charged with rape. His laywer, was a 26 year old lady.
Good looking, very good looking.
She asked the judge if she couldt show him someting. The judge gave her permission.
The laywer asked the boy to pull down his pants. She took the boy's private parts in her hand, shake it, and asked the judge if he couldt believe that her client, couldt have raped a 32 year old woman with this in her hands.
The boy looked up to his laywer and said "Please miss., if your gonna keep on shaking them, we are gonna loose this case!"

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis--does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son--the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500. Q: Sir, what is more...