Courtroom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But more...

Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would
probably be convicted, resorted to a trick."Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to
whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty!"The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty."But how?" more...

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, "Silence in court!"
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says, "Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, "OK."
"Well," said Paddy, "after I had finished the first dance, more...

A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness when he
stopped and said, “Your honor, a juror is asleep.”The Judge ruled, “You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up.”

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and
a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas
insurance agent.
Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable
you had never felt better in your life?"
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were
seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who
had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog,
who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I
just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words
to say I've never felt better in my life.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked
a witness.“Isn't it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question. “Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.The witness still did not respond.Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”