Cover Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86".
He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"
The man says,"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...

Two fathers and a rabbi decided to go swimming in a local lake one HOT day. So, they stripped and went swimming. As they were getting out, some ladies were strolling by the lake. One father yelled, "Cover your privates!" So both fathers covered that area, but the rabbi covered his face. Later, the other father asked, "Why did you cover your face?" The rabbi answered, "I don't know for you two, but it'd be my face they'd recognise."

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see three inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the more...

March 1 Wall Street Journal
Reprinted without permission
Edited for content
BEFUDDLED PC USERS FLOOD HELP LINES, AND NO QUESTION SEEMS TO BE TOO BASIC
AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button.
"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operations.
Compaq's help center in Houston, Texas, is inundated by some 8,000 consumer calls a day, with inquiries like this one related by technician John Wolf: "A frustrated customer more...

10.) "We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at twenty dollars."
9.) "I'm sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board. We don't yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends. And we are required to check your bags."
8.) "Yes sir, we are aware of the biohazard tag on your luggage and no, you don't want to know its origin. I recommend you refrain from opening your suitcase."
7.) "Yes sir, importing Cuban cigars is illegal, that is why the security officer had to confiscate them. What? He's smoking them? HEY! YOU RAT! SAVE SOME FOR ME!"
6.) "I'm sorry madam, but our insurance policy does not cover punctures in your bags caused by our checking attendants. No, it also does not cover airline crashes. It does cover explosions prior to takeoff, however, and is our most commonly purchased package."
5.) "Attention all airline passengers, your flight has been more...

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?" "Of course." DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?" "Of course." DED: Then why are you calling me?" "Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser. "Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover." There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.