Crack Jokes / Recent Jokes
Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term' died in the arse'?
2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage:' In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a)' If the van's rockin' don't bother?
b) You're going home in the back of more...
TO MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a more...
California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word
problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present:
The City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name: _______________________________
Gang: ___________________________
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13
times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he
has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to
Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he
doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks
will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?
4. Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more more...
To my dear wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.
We will wake the children... 17 times It's too late... 15 times I'm too tired... 5 times It's too early... 52 times It's too hot... 15 times Pretending to be asleep... 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear... 9 times Backache... 2 times Headache... 16 times Sunburnt... 10 times Your mother will hear us... 6 times Not in the mood... 21 times Will wake the baby... 17 times Watching the late TV show... 7 times Too sore... 9 times New hairdo... 4 times Wrong time of the month... 4 times You had to go to the toilet... 9 times
On the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I more...
TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I havesucceeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. Thefollowingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:54 times the sheets were clean17 times it was too late49 times you were too tired20 times it was too hot15 times you pretended to be asleep22 times you had a headache17 times you were afraid of waking the baby16 times you said you were too sore12 times it was the wrong time of the month19 times you had to get up early9 times you said weren't in the mood7 times you were sunburned6 times you were watching the late show5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do3 times you said the neighbors would hear us9 times you said your mother would hear usOf the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 timesyou just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake more...
To my dear wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.We will wake the children... 17 times It's too late... 15 times I'm too tired... 5 times It's too early... 52 times It's too hot... 15 times Pretending to be asleep... 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear... 9 times Backache... 2 times Headache... 16 times Sunburnt... 10 times Your mother will hear us... 6 times Not in the mood... 21 times Will wake the baby... 17 times Watching the late TV show... 7 times Too sore... 9 times New hairdo... 4 times Wrong time of the month... 4 times You had to go to the toilet... 9 timesOn the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake more...