Craig Jokes / Recent Jokes
The special order
Abraham, an old Jewish immigrant, is a cloth merchant. He lives in London next door to Craig, the biggest Anti-Semite in town. One day Craig calls up Abraham and says, "Hey Jew. I want to buy a piece of orange cloth. The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow."
Abe says "OK."
The next morning Craig is awoken at 7am by the sound of lorries. He runs outside to see dozens of lorries dumping load after load of orange cloth in his front garden. Soon the front of his house is a sea of orange cloth 5 feet deep. Abe then presents Craig with a bill for £12,000.
Craig starts yelling and screaming at Abe. "Jew, what are you doing to me? I asked you for a piece of cloth from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Abe replies, "The tip of my penis is in Poland."
Craig, the clerk in the small drug store, wasn't much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Joe, the owner, had had enough of his clerk's incompetence and warned Craig that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in, coughing, and asked Craig to find a remedy. Try as he might, Craig simply couldn't find the cough syrup. Remembering Joe's warning, he sold the man a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as Craig said and left. Joe witnessed the whole transaction and confronted Craig.
"A laxative won't cure a cough, you fool!" Joe shouted.
"Sure it will," Craig said. "Give that guy a few minutes for the stuff to kick in and he'll be afraid to cough."
Craig Donaldson, 17, of Glasgow, Scotland had a little too much time on his hands. One saturday morning in October of 1999 while his parents had left the house to go car shopping, Craig was overcome by the sort of sexual desire only a deprived 17 year old boy could have.
He decided that his usual "self service" material consisting of a back issue of Playboy was not enough and he had become very frustrated. Just then he remembered a story that his friend Jed had told him about a woman in a pornographic movie who had applied peanut butter to her genitals and allowed a trained dog to "clean" it off of her.
Probably thinking to himself, "mom and dad won't be home for hours!", Craig headed upstairs to the kitchen only stopping to let Max, the family's 4 year old doberman pinscher inside the house. Craig searched for some peanut butter but couldn't find any, in fact there was no fruit jam or margarine either.
However, Craig did more...
I just heard that Monica is going to advertise for Jenny Craig. I can hardly wait for the ads, where I can only assume that she is going to tell everyone that the secret to losing weight is not swallowing.
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Monica Lewinsky lost 31 pounds on the Jenny Craig weight program, for which she is now a spokeswoman.
The Starr report and its appendixes weighed 12 pounds.
Which would you rather have lost?
craig david, britiany spears and shaggy were in a elevator and suddenly there was a parp craig said i'm walking away shaggy said it wasn't me and britiany said oopsi did it again. The next day it happened again craig said i'm walking away and shaggy said it wasn't me and britiany said stronger than yesterday.
It's been revealed that Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested in June for soliciting an undercover police officer in a men's room. Craig is claiming entrapment, saying the cop was dressed as a Congressional page.