Crawling Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away. Suddenly he says to the bartender, “I have to go home or the wife will be mad”. (at this point he was loaded drunk)
He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face. The man then said “I can’t walk and I didn’t have that much to drink? ”.
He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face. He says “I have to get home some way or the wife will kill me if I don’t get home soon”!
He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home. He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.
The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room. She said “you were out drinking again last night weren’t you! ”
The man replied with “NO WAY! ”
And the wife said “YOU LIAR!
The bartender just called and said you left your wheelchair at the club again last night”!

A bus full of senior gamblers was driving down the freeway, returning from two days in Las Vegas. A lady passenger comes forward and complains loudly to the driver that some male creep is crawling along the floor and has had the temerity to fondle her. The driver tells her he'll stop as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

As the driver was searching for a good spot to pull over, another female passenger comes forward, complaining of being fondled, too. To the driver's mind, this constitutes an emergency, so he immediately pulls over onto the shoulder and brings the bus to a screeching halt. He proceeds to go back to find the culprit and spies this little baldheaded guy crawling on all fours along the floor of the bus. He confronts the guy and asks him what he's doing on the floor.

"Well," replies the little fellow, "I lost my toupee a few miles back and I thought I'd found it twice until I realized mine's parted on the side."

A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away. Suddenly he says to the bartender, "I have to go home or the wife will be mad".
(at this point he was loaded drunk)

He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face. The man then said "I can't walk and I didn't have that much to drink?".

He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face. He says "I have to get home some way or the wife will kill me if I don't get home soon"!

He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home. He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.

The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room. She said "you were out drinking again last night weren't you!"

The man replied with "NO WAY!"
And the wife said "YOU LIAR!
The bartender just called and said you left more...

Crawling Home
A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away. Suddenly he says to the bartender, "I have to go home or the wife will be mad".
(at this point he was loaded drunk)
He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face. The man then said "I can't walk and I didn't have that much to drink?".
He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face. He says "I have to get home some way or the wife will kill me if I don't get home soon"!
He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home. He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.
The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room. She said "you were out drinking again last night weren't you!"
The man replied with "NO WAY!"
And the wife said "YOU LIAR!
The bartender just called and said you left your more...