Crazy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't grocer and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, more...
AN old lady was constantly visiting her doctor and complaining about different imaginary illnesses. The doctor rasped impatiently,' Madam, I can't make you younger.'
'The lady replied,' Doctor, younger I have already been, I want you to make me older.'
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a
single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers more...
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys,
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys.
When the boss busted in, nearly scared' em half to death,
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath.
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo,
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo.
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all- now you're all gonna DIE!"
The night Santa when crazy,
The night St. Nick went insane!
Realized he'd been getting' a raw deal,
Something finally must have snapped in his brain.
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it.
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet.
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage,
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage.
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger,
And he slashed up Dasher just like more...
Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.
I urgently needed a few days
off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought
that maybe if I acted crazy enough then he would tell me to take a few
days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the
ceiling & made funny noises. My co-worker (who`s blonde) asked me
what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
"... so, that the boss will think I`m overworked and going nuts and
give me a few days off."
A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office, saw me hanging from the ceiling and asked,
"What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You`re
crazy! I can`t have you hanging around here like that. You`re
stressed out. Go on, go home and get some rest for a couple of
days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office. My co-worker (the
blonde) followed more...
BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It`s totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over more...