Criminal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from prison today. One is orange and 9ft tall, and the other green and yellow and 2ft Gin tall. The police are searching high and low for them.

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he's a hardened criminal.

A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, "Is there a criminal lawyer in town?"To which the man behind the counter immediately quipped, "Yes, but we haven't been able to prove it yet!"

When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels. The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.

What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.

The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing that for?" demanded the crook boss. "Only doing what you ordered," said the stupid thug. "You told me to lie low for a bit!"

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow." "OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."