Crisps Jokes / Recent Jokes

These two crisps were crossing a road, a car stopped and said would you like a lift, the crisps said no thanks were walkers.

Two crisps are walking down the road when a car pulls up alongside and the driver leans out and says "Do you fancy a lift?". The crisps reply, "No thanks we're Walkers".

A very British one:
0. Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1. Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well being.
2. Beer warming up head. Chips are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3. Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while the blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.
4. Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bra. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one by one.
5. Have brilliant discussion with a guy at the bar. Devise a foolproof scheme for winning the lottery. Sort out cricket/tennis/football problems. Agree people are same the world over - except for the bloody French.
6. Feel like a demi-god. Map out rest of life on beer mat. Realize that everybody loves you. Ring up parents and tell them you love them. Ring girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing arse.
7. Send more...

a man walks in a bar and says " can i have
plane flavoured crisps." The man behind the bar said
" no but i hav got helecopter

A duck walks into a bar and says do u have any crisps. The bartender replies no we dont. Feelin sad the duck leaves. The next day the duck arrives and asks for crisps again. Soundin mildly annoyed the tender replies no raising his voice slightly, the duck leaves saddended again. As usual the duck returns and before he asks the bartender shouts "IF U ASK FOR CRISPS 1 MORE TIME IM GONNA NAIL UR BEAK TO THE BAR". the duck eaves. The next day the tender is releaved thinkin the duck wont come, moments later the duck arrives and asks "do u have any nails" and the tender replies no. The duck asks "any crisps?"