Croc Jokes

Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp by the Diyawanna Oya. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger' n me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big croc, "What you been eatin' boy?"

"Humans, same as you," replied the small croc. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch' em?"

"Down' tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the parliament."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch' em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them BMWs or Mercs and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab' em on the leg, shake the shit out of' em, and eat em!"

"Ah!" says the big crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, more...

A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...