Crocodile Jokes / Recent Jokes
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make? Slippers!
A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile, the bartender screams and demands he get the man eating creature out of there! The man tries to calm the bartender down and says he is very well trained to prove it the man whipped out his cock and put it in the crocodile's mouth, then he hit the crocodile over the head and after a few good smacks he pulls it out and shows the bar tender,"Look, no marks." The bartender is still unsure so the man asks..."Would anyone else like to try?" The bar is quiet and a few minutes later a blonde in the corner stands up and says..."I will but don't smack me on the head!"
A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"
A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile.
He asks, "Do you serve Catholics?"
The bartender replies, "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?"
The man replies, "A pint of Guinness and 2 Catholics for the crocodile."
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!