Crocodile Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father Christmas: Cant do that one. He hasnt said what size his crocodile takes!

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.
The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."
The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."
"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

One day this blonde came into the hunting store. She asked the clerk, “What’s the lowest price on the crocodile boots? ”
The clerk responded, “Our best price is $200, if you want a pair any cheaper than that there is a lake down the road, maybe you can get a pair yourself down there. ”
So the blonde says, “Well O. K! I’ll go down to the lake. ”
About 5 hours later the clerk is walking by the lake on his way home. He sees the blonde grabbing crocodiles out of the lake and then throwing them back in.
Amassed at this he walks closer? eventually coming close enough to hear her saying, “Damn it! No boots on this one either! ”

Hack comics worldwide were in mourning at the news of Steve Irwin's death. A release from the hack comics union read "This is but a cog in the hack comic gear of life. We still have Pacino, Schwarzenegger and Walken impressions and if those fail I have one word for you "Lewinsky". We'll be fine."
Rumors abound that Crocodile Hunter wasn't killed but was trying to kill himself when he heard one too many open micers begin their set with "Can you imagine if the crocodile hunter was a gynocologist.....I think it would go something like this."

Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp by the Diyawanna Oya. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger' n me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big croc, "What you been eatin' boy?"

"Humans, same as you," replied the small croc. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch' em?"

"Down' tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the parliament."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch' em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them BMWs or Mercs and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab' em on the leg, shake the shit out of' em, and eat em!"

"Ah!" says the big crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, more...

Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.

Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.

Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide.

From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.