Crocodile Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day, a blonde is out shopping and decides to stop in at a shoe store. After she's been there for awhile, she finds a pair of crocodile skin shoes that she loves. She asks the cashier how much they are, and when he answers, she decides that she can't afford them. So she leaves.
A few hours later, the cashier is driving home from work, when he sees the same woman on the side of the road, next to a huge body of water. He's a bit surprised, so he pulls over to see if she's okay. But before he has time to ask her, he notices she's got a huge gun in her hands, and is shooting into the water. Then he sees that she has a huge pile of dead crocodiles beside her.
She shoots into the water again, killing yet another crocodile, pulls it out and yells 'Damn! This one's not wearing shoes either!'
First crocodile: My dad's so tough he can kill another crocodile by blinking his eyes.
Second crocodile: My dad's so tough it took Mum six hours in the microwave to cook him.
One day, a depressed crocodile decides to see his doctor about his problems. He says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I don't feel like killing people anymore. I don't like attacking them, I don't like wrestling them in the water, and I definitely don't like eating them." The doctor goes over to his medicine cabinet, and pulls out several tiny blue pills. In amazement, the crocodile asks his doctor, "Doc, are those what I think they are?" The doctor replies, "Yes, I'm prescribing you some Viagra." Frustrated, the crocodile tells his doctor, "I'm not sure you understand - have you been listening to a word I've said?" The doctor replies, "Of course I've been listening, you said you had a reptile dysfunction!"
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.
[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]
The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?"]
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.
[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee? ]
Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]
America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
[3 very lonely men.]
98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]
When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something more...
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?"]The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee? ]Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.[3 very lonely men.]98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]In 1681, the last dodo bird died.[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]A more...
1) TV'S GALORE
Udurawana is buying a TV."Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2) Flying High
Udurawana calls Air Lanka.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a second," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Udurawana and cuts the line.
3) EMPLOYMENT.
Udurawana was filling up an application form
for a job. He filled the columns titled NAME, AGE,
ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected: After much thought he wrote: Yes
4) CROCODILE BOOTS.
Udurawana proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off
to Africa and disappears. Finally a search team
found him hunting a huge crocodiles. He walks
over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"70th damn croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"
5) Thermos
Udurawana more...
Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!