Crossing Jokes / Recent Jokes

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him
away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.
He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher
takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar
bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's
mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up
shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the
bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights
to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the more...

Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!

"WOMEN." So simple, yet so complex. So weak, yet
so powerful. So confusing, yet so desirable.
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
If you don't, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.
If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing.
If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an "experience man".
If you don't, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring.
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy.
If you don't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad.
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you don't respect
her.
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard
to wait.
If she is more...

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a beautiful princess".He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a beautiful princess, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"The engineer said, "Look I`m an engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that`s cool."

This story was related to me yesterday at lunch by a fellow manager, who
heard it from his dad (guaranteed true...) Phenomenal testimony that
physics shall not be denied, with some small humor value as well.
This story involves railroad cars, Denver and a fascinating gadget used in
auto wrecking yards called a "chipper." Apparently this device is fed
old auto carcasses, and it in turn produces manageable-sized "chips" of
metal.
Seems that on this eventful evening, four gondola cars were filled by a
chipper and headed out of Denver around dusk. Somewhere along the track,
on an uphill grade, something mechanical failed on one of the cars, and
the train pulled to a siding to uncouple it. The dutiful crew chocked
the wheels with rocks, wood chunks, etc. and then proceeded to unhook the
car.
Seems no one had the slightest idea of the mass being packed in that unit,
as the rocks/wood held it in place for about 6 more...