Cruise Jokes / Recent Jokes

We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid... until she closed her curtains.
He's what every woman wants - strong, sensitive... battery operated!
There is no truth in the rumor that Roy Rogers's horse Trigger sued him for palomino-mony.
Chap with a fetish walks into a sex shop and asks "So how's the leather been lately?"
The latest product on the market in the continuing war against white ants - it's called 'Arson'.
Unfortunately, since I went on the wagon, the wagon went and got a liquor licence.
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
Marriage - nature's way of stopping people fighting with strangers.
OK, so God made Heaven and Earth. But what has he done recently?
Graffiti Dyslexics of the world - untie!
My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep. Which is more than I can say for the three passengers he had in his car at the time.
My friend is so full of self-importance - when he dies, he more...

A Rabbi, a Protestant minister and a Catholic Priest were taking a party of kids on a cruise. Suddenly the ship hit a rock and began to sink.

The Rabbi cried out: "Quick! The kids!"

"Fuck the kids!" said the minister, heading out.

"Do you think we have time?" said the priest.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain`s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show."Look, it`s not the same hat!" "Look, he`s hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"The magician was furious but couldn`t do anything, it was the captain`s parrot after all.One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What`d you do with the boat?"

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships.
So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man goes in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available.
The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked, "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?"

What do you do when you're lonely on an Alaskan cruise?
Answer: Go to the window and yell "whale"

Diary of her six day Bahamas cruise DEAR DIARY. .. DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. . DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. .. DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY. .. DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino. did OK. .. won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. I told him there more...

A newlywed couple are in a limousine on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise when they approach a pharmacy.
"Honey," the groom says, "I want to stop and pick up some condoms."
"That's a good idea," she replies. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."
The groom gets out, enters the pharmacy and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes, sir," the clerk says, "but if you don't mind me asking, if it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"