Cruise Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table.

The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden plank and threw her into the river out back. Another blonde walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden plank and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with the first blonde and they both floated together for a while.

She asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?"

The first blonde said,.. . "They didn't last time."

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, more...

These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.

1. (For this one, you have to know that it's really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship.

2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

3. A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

4. There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy more...

Hoping to determine whether his wife and mistress were being faithful to him, the man decided to send them both on the same cruise and then question them about the other's behavior when they returned.
Afterwards, the man asked his wife about the people on the cruise in general and then asked about the behavior of the woman he knew to be his mistress. "Oh my," the wife reported, "she slept with just about every guy on the ship."
Feeling very betrayed he then met with his cheating mistress and asked her the same question about his wife.
"She was very much a lady," reported the mistress.
"Really. What makes you think that?" he asked.
"It was obvious. She came onboard with her husband and never left his side."

Kuttappan is an Indian. Kuttappan was bragging to his Boss one day, "You know..... I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone important and I'm sure I will know them. Tired of his boasting, his Boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan, how about Tom Cruise?" Kuttappan replies "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Kuttappan and his Boss fly out to Hollywood and knock, on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts," Hey Kutz!! Great to see you! You and your friend must come in and join me for lunch!" They have a blast of a time. Katie Holmes even personally packs 2 sets of Masala Dosas, which is of course specially made by their South Indian chef. They bid each other farewell. Although impressed, Kuttappan's Boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing Cruise was just lucky. Kuttappan says "No, no, you go ahead and just more...

Dieter Bohlen, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are perished with a motoring accident. Arrived in heaven, Petrus open them the door and say:"step in but there's one rule who you must observe: never trample on a duck or else there are disastrouses consequences for you."
When then they stepped in, all the floor was full with ducks. They tried hard that it don't happen this. But the first who happened this was Brad Pitt. Petrus brang him an ugly maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
On the next day, Tom Cruise trampled on a duck. Petrus brang him even a much uglier maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
Dieter Bohlen didn't trample now on a duck more than a month. Petrus came to him with an unbelievable beautiful maid how Dieter did't she visualize in his wildest dreams. Then he meant to her:"What I more...

A guy goes to a travel agent and tries to book a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent says that all the ships are booked up and things are very tight but he will see what he can do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phones and says he can get them on a three-day cruise. The guy agrees and goes to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it and returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. The guy agrees and goes back to the drugstore and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it gives you motion sickness, why do you keep doing it?"