Cup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sardar- Why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

This is a specially formulated diet, designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 Slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Chocolate biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 tub of Rocky Road Ice Cream with Choc-Ice Topping
1 jar Nutella

DINNER
4 bottles of red wine
2 loaves Garlic Bread
1 family size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease more...

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted. "You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup."

People's reactions to this story:
"You cannot learn anything if you already feel that you know."
"Preconceived ideas and prejudices always prevent us from seeing the truth."
"You should open your mind before you open your mouth."
"The master is trying to tell him to ease back and relax. The professor is too anxious about the whole thing."
"Some people want to be taught everything in one sitting. It's not possible."
"This more...

A blonde says to a brunette,' 'Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says,' 'Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''

Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:
Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?"
Tech "Yes how can I help you?"
Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?"
Tech "Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?"
Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion."
Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?"
Caller "Yes, it says 4X!"

You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you more...