Cup Jokes / Recent Jokes
A bad person dies and is greeted by Saint Peter. Peter tells the man he must choose between three hells.
The first hell is very hot and he sees a lot of people burning in fire. The next hell is freezing cold and he sees people shivering and clamoring. In the third hell, he sees people standing in shit up to their waist but they look quite happy. They are drinking a cup of coffee and are chatting with each other. So the bad person says to Peter, "I choose the third hell with all the people standing in shit up to their waist."
So Peter admits the bad person to the third hell. He gets a cup of coffee and feels quite comfortable. Suddenly he hears a beep from a loud speaker that says, "Attention. Attention. Coffee break is over. It's time to stand on your head now."
A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs.
"The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!"
The employee was a little confused and didn`t know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him... he`d never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.
So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."
Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer…Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again.
At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try
another cup. . just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor…
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers
just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Samp! le! the Cuervo to check for tonsist icity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or more...
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks." Feeling fine," says the old man." What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?" "No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the more...
Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case: Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?" Tech "Yes how can I help you?" Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?" Tech "Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?" Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion." Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?" Caller "Yes, it says 4X!"
A father walked into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid was spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walked through the market, someone bumped into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin went straight into his mouth and lodged in his throat. He immediately started choking and going blue in the face, and his Dad started panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged man in a gray suit was sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looked up, put his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folded his newspaper and placed it on the counter. He got up from his seat and made his way nonchalantly across the market. Reaching the boy, the man carefully took hold of the kid's gonads and squeezed gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the quarter, which the man caught in his free hand. Releasing the more...
How to make a fruitcake!:
---------------------------------
1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey
Directions:
--------------------
1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
3. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
4. Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
5. Add one tsp. sugar and beat again.
6. Be sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
7. Turn off the mixer.
8. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
9. Mix on the turner.
10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
11. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
12. Next, sift two more...