Cut Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. Caution!. . . . . . . . . . These people Vote
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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff".. . . . . . . . She ALSO votes!
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I used to work in technical more...

A glad went to a barber saloon to have a hair cut and quarried how many are there ahead of me. The reply was three. "Yes I am busy today, anyway I come tommorrow and went away.
The other day at the same time he visited the barber saloon and questioned how many were there ahead of him. The reply was five. again he went away saying "Good I will come tommorrow.
On the third day too he visited the barber saloon and qurried how many were there ahead of him. The answer was four. "Very good! I will come tommorrow" and went away.
The barber asked one of his employees why this glad every day coming to our barber saloon and going without taking hair cut, but merely question about the number of person ahead of him. Go behind him and watch what he is and where he goes.
After an hour later the employee returned and said the glad is going to your house.

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by more...

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old more...

A merchant ordered 500 turkeys for the Christmas season. A few weeks before the holiday, however, his sales dropped sharply.
Afraid that he wouldn't be able to sell all the turkeys, he phoned the distributor and instructed him to "Cut my order in half!"
When his order arrived, guess what it contained?
Five hundred turkeys, of course, each cut in half! It's really amazing how easy it is to misunderstand a message and sometimes rather embarassing, but funny!

A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it.
There a clerk asks him:
"Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The guru replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year.
Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it`s still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man`s daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What`s going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7, 50 and now only Rs. 5. What`s the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It`s very expensive, so I had to cut costs.
This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don`t plan to educate them all at my expense."