Dad Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling,' 'If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with,' 'If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,' 'What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says,' 'I would be a bus driver!''

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus,
and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, not that."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get
a soda. As soon as she had left the boy repeated his question.
"That's the elephant's trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No. Down there."
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's
penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it more...

Submitted by Darcy

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Dear Bubba,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

'For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!'

Love, Bubba

At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received more...

Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"


The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."


One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had
a party the night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" -
each of more...

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnnys dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys balloons and she's screaming "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"

------------------------------------




The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."


--------------------------------------------



One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The more...

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"