Dale Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do Dale Ernheart and Pink Floid have in common?
Their last hit was "The Wall"

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
(From a machine at a college dorm:)
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you owe me money.

If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
"Hi. Now you say more...

(From a machine at a college dorm:)
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it
in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep." "Beep" more...

Dale Earnhart, Mark Martin and Gordon are all on a fishing trip. After a few hours and no bites, Dale jumps into the shallow water unzips and waves his jiggly worm around. Pow! A huge bass hits it and he walks to the bank, pokes it in the eye to make it release from his manhood, and holds up a 55 pound Bass. Mark takes a look and jumps in the water and waves his peter around in the water. Bam, another Bass! He walks to the shore and pokes the fish in the eye and picks up a 70 pound Bass. A little while passes and Dale looks at Jeff and says, "Aren't you going to give it a try?" Jeff replies, "No, I don't want to get poked in the eye!"

Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldn't let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5.
Tony was 6.
And Jeff was 2.
So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said," Thankfuly I had a hard one on."

A NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwicki's race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display. Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allison's car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it. "Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, God's a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display." Walking further, the individual came upon Dale Earnhardt's car - a seasoned veteran of the sport. At this sight, the new heaven dweller panicked! "Oh, No! St. Peter - Dale Earnhardt is about to win the Championship this year, and you mean to tell me he has just died?!? "No, no," St. Peter chuckled, "That's God's car. He lets Dale use it on weekends."

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
(From a machine at a college dorm:)
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hi, I'm not more...