Dammit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."
The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.
Then a more...

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.Then a booming voice arose from the sky and said, "Dammit, I more...

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.? Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.?
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at? the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, more...

A miserable old man walked into the bank and yelled at the teller, "I want to open a damn checking account!" Astonished by his rudeness, the teller said, "Pardon me sir, I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking account immediately!" he snapped.
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that type of language here," she said.
Upset by his behavior, the teller went to tell the manager about the situation. The manager accompanied her back to the old man and asked, "What appears to be the problem?"
"There's no fucking problem, dammit," said the man. "I just won $50 million in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account!"
"Oh, I see, sir," said the manager, with a grin, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.
The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"
A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"