Damned Jokes

Four guys were driving cross country together-one from Idaho, one from Iowa,
one from Florida and the last one from New York.
A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag
and begins throwing them out the window.
The man from Iowa turns to him and asks "What the hell are you doing?". The
man from Idaho says, "Man, we have SO MANY of these damned things in Idaho,
they're laying on the ground - I'm sick of looking at them!!!"
A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling husks of corn
from his bag and throwing them out the window.
The man from Florida asks "What are you doing that for?". The man from Iowa
replies, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Iowa that I am SICK
of looking at them!!"
Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes
the New Yorker out!

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "
I'm so pissed off !"
"
Oh yeah? What happened?"
asked the bartender politely.
"
See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"
Gee, that's tough!"
commiserated the bartender.
"
Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated,"
the
customer went on.
"
When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"
Yeech!"
the bartender shook his head. more...

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.
"When her husband came into the room he said,' Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head."
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told more...

A man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressedwith the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand." Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon." The preachersays "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of the Lord". The man says, "But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever heard." The preacher says again, "sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use curse words in the Lords house again". The man says "Well I was so impressed with your sermon that Iplaced $1000 dollars in the collection plate". The preacher says "NO SHIT"?

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?", and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, more...