Dark Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman went into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She told the director that she wanted her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asked, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing? ” “No, ” she insisted as she handed him a check to buy a dark blue suit. “It must be blue. ” When she came back for the wake, she saw her husband in the coffin, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit. She told the director how much she loved the suit and asked how much it cost. He said, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her, so I switched the heads. ”

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says,' It sure is dark in here, isn't it?

'Yes it is,' the man replies.

'You wanna buy a baseball?' the little boy asks.

'No thanks,' the man replies.

'I think you do want to buy a baseball,' the little boy says firmly.

The man considers the position he is in for a moment.' Uh, I see. You're right, I do want to buy the ball. How much?'

Twenty-five dollars,' the little extortionist replies.

'TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!' the man repeats incredulously, but then shakes his head and complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places him in the closet with her more...

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew more...

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark. ”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark, ” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you. ”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there? ” “Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him, ” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called, “Jesus? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom? ”

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us!"The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good!"The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in."The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would more...

Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electricbulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbsdark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labsspokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier thanthat of light, and that dark is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There isless dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parkinglot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with allthings, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, theycan no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full darksucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a more...