Darling Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Darling Son (and that Person you married),

Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine
considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that
you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing
mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I
hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother
never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their
pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy. I put them
in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds
me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but
I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Berta and I dug her
up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you,
but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come.
I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my more...

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married? " He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly
voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby
won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides,
I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm
supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and
close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook
your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to
fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do more...

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,

Happy Chanukah to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. G-d knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral, so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?

Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to more...

Darling," said the young bride, "tell me what's bothering you. We promised to share all our joys and all our sorrows, remember?"
"But this is different," protested her husband.
"Together, darling," she insisted, "we will bear the burden. Now tell me what our problem is."
"Well," said the husband, "we've just become the father of a bastard child."

Dear Darling Son (and That Person You Married),Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the more...