Darwin Awards Jokes / Recent Jokes
A 28-year-old Korean employed by the Xerox Corporation decided it would be hilarious if he digitally scanned his penis and distributed to the entire corporation. The small Korean had just finished up festivities at the local bar and was quite intoxicated.
Xerox had recently ordered 23 shredding devices in an attempt to reduce/recycle the amount of paper that they use. The unsuspecting Korean pulled down his trousers, and drunkenly hoisted himself onto what he thought was a copier. Thinking he was pressing the scan button on a copier, he hit the shred button.
He was found with his scrotum stuck between blades the next morning, and had died from the loss of blood.
On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) guy tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his lack of a record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choice:
1. The target was H & J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial fraction of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County Police patrol car parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else was hurt.
Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison.
He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he died. .. of exposure!!!
A recent suicide was found as follows: 34 yr. old white male found in the basement of his home died of suffocation. He was approximately 6' 2" and 225 lb. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig.
It appeared that he was trying to create a school girls uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden piece of a bed post approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. This bedpost was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
It was difficult to explain the circumstances of his death to his family members.
Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken's head instead of a revolver.
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof vest to see if it protected him against the knife..... It didn't and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. Isn't it good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the awards.
Apparently, in Brazil, 3 people were flying in a plane at low altitude, when another plane approached. For a lark, they decided to "moon" the other plane. Somehow, in the execution of this maneuver, they lost control of the plane and crashed. They were all found dead with their pants around their ankles.
In an Inuit village, a young man was searching for a way of getting more...