Daughter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?" The mother says, "It’s my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother andsays, "Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant -about 4 months would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been leftalone with a man! Have you Darla?" Darla says, "No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!"The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there somethingwrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it’s just that the last time anythinglike this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men cameover the hill. I’ll be darned if more...

DAUGHTER:-MOM WHEN EVER I SEE THE BOY WHICH LEAVES BESIDE OUR HOUSE IN HIS UNDERWEAR MY BRA GETS TIGHT....WHY MOM!!!
MOM:-SEE WHEN EVER U SEE THAT BOY JUST WEAR THE BRA LITTLE DOWN THEN SEE HOW THE BOYS UNDERWEAR GETS TIGHTTTTT...

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep more...

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case... ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok"

On day two budies had no place to stay in. They saw a farm and decided to stay there.They knocked on the door and a elderly scottish man answered.The two budies asked
can they stay over one night.The old scottish man repieid "
Yes, but you cant touch me daughter"
.So they stayed, and ingnoring the old dudes request they had sex with his 18 year old daughter.The old guy found out and the next day he told the guys to go out and bring back their favorite fruit.They did so.One came back with ten grapes.The scottish man said"
I found out you and your friend did touch me daughter, now you will pay!"
The old guy got the ten grapes and stuck them up the guys ass.The poor guy was screaming.But then he started laughing.The old guy said "
Why are you laughing! I just pushed ten grapes up you ass!"
The guy said"
Its that my freind is out there getting a watermellon"
.

Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, "Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?
"How do you mean, change her min?" asked Mrs. Sullivan.
"Well said the child, "she went into the church with one man and came out with another!"

TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT ROOMING WITH THE PRESIDENTS DAUGHTER:
10. Bitchin' motorcade from history class to language lab.
9. She shows up with beer coasters hand-knit by Betsy Ross.
8. Your summer job next year: Ambassador to Belgium.
7. Secret Service guys always available to buy you beer. Or procure
women.
6. Her care packages always include a tray of dad's "special" brownies.
5. You become fourth in line for presidency.
4. At some point, you find yourself playing "Quarters" with Ted Kennedy.
3. When ordering from Domino's, you can take advantage of the President's volume discount.
2. If you receive poor mark on test, you can have professor slapped around by Janet Reno.
1. Somehow, you're not so embarrassed about your own father.