Daughter Jokes / Recent Jokes

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six- year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife instructed.

Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner"!

Kids for what they are. They are the only ones who know how to undo child-proof bottles of aspirins when you've got a splitting headache.

Teach a nubile daughter by all means the old Christian precept that' you can't take it with you', but that doesn't mean she should start to give it away early.

Discourage your daughter from wearing skirts which will give her chapped buttocks, and your son from wearing jeans making him liable to arrest for indecent enclosure.

Teach your kids independence. Tell them that if they ever need a helping hand, there's one at the end of their arm.

Kanjibhai patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Dikri, Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."
Oh, Bapuji, " gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Kanjibhai "You just take her with you."

Jewish Mothers
Q: Why did the Jewish Mother want to be buried near Brent Cross Shopping Centre?
A: To be sure her daughter would visit her twice a week. Q: What did the Jewish Mother cash dispenser say to her customer?
A: You never write, you never call and you only visit me when you need money. Q: What did the Jewish Mother say when her daughter told her she was having an affair?
A: Who`s doing the catering? Q: What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers smoke?
A: Gefiltered. Q: What is the most common disease transmitted by Jewish Mothers?
A: Guilt. Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make such good parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. Q: What is a genius?
A: An average pupil with a Jewish Mother.

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moooo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."

A young bride's mother was offering her daughter some tips on marriage. "Dear, don't ever let your husband see you in the nude," her mother advised. "Always, always, wear something."
"Yes, mother," her obedient daughter replied.
A few weeks after the wedding, as the newly married couple were preparing for bed, the husband asked his wife, "Honey, by chance, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she replied. "Why would you ask such a thing?"
Well, we've been married for a few weeks now and each and every night, you wear that stupid hat to bed," he answered.

An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, more...