David Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was Christmas and David Beckham had just lost his
career in English Football Squad, been sacked from Manchester United and had been dumped up Victora Beckham (his wife)
He was about to commit sucide when all of a sudden he heard a jingle and a "ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!"
He stopped and looked around and he saw Santa Claus pull up to him on his Sleigh.
Santa said "David what are you doing?"
David replied "I've just lost my
career in the English Football Squad, been sacked from Manchester United and had been dumped up wife.
So I am about to commit sucide of this cliff."
Santa replied "well David as you know I am Santa Claus and I can grant you any 3 wishes you want, but first you must do me a favour"
He instructed David to pull down his pants and bent over while Santa did his business.
Over that David pulled up his trousers and said "Santa these are my 3 wishes, can you get me back into more...

How did you do it?
Young David asked his rich grandfather, Paul, how he had made his money. Paul said, "Well, David, it was 1955, and I was down to my last five pence. I went to the local market and invested that five pence in a large apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten pence." "The next morning, I invested the ten pence in two large apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and I sold them at 5pm for twenty pence. I continued this system for a month. Then Grandma’s father died and left us two million pounds."

Punny Biblical Q+A`sQ: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh`s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A. Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.A: David`s Triumph was heard throughout the land.A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the more...

Top Ten List for 4/25/1994
You'll never sit down again!
Singapore - spanking clean!
Singapore - it's canerific!
Yeeeeee-ouuuuuuch!
We'll spray-paint any car for $99.95!
Give us a week and we'll take off the flesh!
Drop your pants, round-eyes!
You can bet your ass you'll have fun!
Bend over!
Brian Peek
Owner of Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten List Listserv
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"Them special effects is fantastic." -Dave Letterman

Little Girl Whn Askd Her Name, Wud Rply-"I'm Mr. David's Daughter"
Her Mother Told Her This Was Wrong, She Must Say-"I'm Jenifer David"
The Vicar Spoke 2 Her In Sunday School & Said "Aren't U Mr. David's Daughter?" Wid Her Mom Standing Jst Away, She Replied "I Thought I Was Bt Mummy Says I'm Not"

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high more...

Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice