Mary Jokes

Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember to call me every night," God said, before Virgin Mary left.
So, in the first night, the telephone rang in Heaven. "Heaven," God answered. "Hello, it

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, 'Father, forgive me for I have sinned.'
The priest asks, 'What did you do?'
The woman says, 'I committed adultery.'
The priest says, 'How many times?'
And the woman replies, 'Three.'
Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.'
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, 'Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
'What did you do?'
‘I committed adultery.'
'How many times?'
'Three times.'
The priest says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more...

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this guy she brought home.

"Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked

"The bastard called me a blonde slut!" Mary said.

"And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked.

"I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom and take his eight friends with him!"

Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a more...

The first day of school was going good for the new teacher and in an attempt to "break the ice" with the little second graders, she began to ask each student what their fathers did for a living.
"Mary, what does your father do?" asked the teacher.
Mary replied, "My dad is a mailman".
"That's great Mary. Every town needs a mailman to deliver the mail," said the teacher.
"Nancy, what does your father do? asked the teacher again.
"Oh, he is a mechanic", replied Nancy.
"That is really great Nancy we need mechanics like your father to keep our cars running," said the teacher.
Looking in the back of the room she spotted a rather sad looking Johnny. "And, Johnny, what does your daddy do?" asked the teacher.
"W-well, my daddy died last summer", said Johnny in a broken voice.
The teacher really felt bad and wondered how she could get herself out of this one. "Well, I'm more...