Dealer Jokes / Recent Jokes

This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him,' Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.'

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.' How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?' the man asks himself.' I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day,' the man tells himself. So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw.' The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no more...

A blonde walks into a casino and goes up to the craps table. She tells the dealers she wants to bet $10 000 on a single roll of the dice. The dealers figure that since shes a blonde, she must not know what shes doing, so they allow her to place the bet.
Then the blonde starts to strip. The dealers ask her what shes doing and she replies, "I'm luckier when I'm naked. Hope ya don't mind."
So she rolls the dice and jumps up and down screaming, "I WON! I WON! YAY!"
She hugs the dealers and picks up her chips and clothes and jumps excitedly away.
While enjoying the view of the blonde jumping away, the second dealer leans over and whispers to the first dealer, "What'd she roll?"
The first dealer says, "What? I wasn't checking, I thought you were checking."

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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.

A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa,' I think I'm planting them too deep.'

What would happen if we priced our “COWS” using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a “CAR”?
LIST PRICING A COW
A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:
BASIC COW………………………………………….$499. 9
Shipping and handling…………………………………35. 75
Extra Stomach…………………………………………. 79. 25
Two Tone Exterior……………………………………142. 10
Produce Storage Compartment………………….. 126. 50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper……………………….. 189. 60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System…………. 149. 20
Automatic Fly Swatter…………………………………88. 50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery………………………179. 90
Deluxe Dual more...

Jeeto: You say I look old but people still praise me.
Santa: It must be Banta.
Jeeto: How do you know?
Santa: He is a SCRAP DEALER.

A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer.
One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced the unit as follows:
Basic Cow $ 999.95
Shipping and Handling 35.75
Extra Stomach 79.25
Two-tone Exterior 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper 189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery 170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment 339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly 884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb 69.80
Farmer Suggested List Price $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment 300.00
Total list price
(including options) $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags 418.00
TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $ 4054.26