Dean Jokes / Recent Jokes

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom."Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

(This happened about 15 years ago to my father-in-law, who worked at
the time for the anti-trust division of the justice department.)
The justice department was trying a case against a company in New
York, who had engaged the senior partner of the biggest law firm
there, Alan Dean, to defend them. My father-in-law represented
the Justice department.
There was a LOT of evidence and each side had their own idea about
how to refer to the exhibits. My father in law went by the school
of 1A, 1B, 1C, 2A, 2B etc, while Alan Dean went by A, AA, B, BB, BBB, C.
At one point, well into the trial, a piece of evidence for the
defense was labeled "PPPP." The judge was about half asleep
but this reference caught his attention.
Judge: Mr. Dean, what number was that exhibit?
Alan Dean: Pee pee pee pee your honour.
(the courtroom and judge giggles, every time pee pee pee pee is
mentioned)
Judge: (smirk) Mr. Dean, please more...

A new dean had just arrived at Modern University and thought she might well profit from a discussion with her predecessor who had recently resigned. During a lunncheon meeting she asked the former dean how he had managed crises. His response was to give her three envelopes with the instruction to open #1 with the first crisis, #2 with the second crisis, and #3 with the third crisis. She accepted the envelopes and the rest of the luncheon was spent on pleasantries.
Things went extremely well for her during the first six months. However, she then discovered a major problem in the budget: the year was only half over and it was clear that she was going to overspend her budget by 10%. The ruckus she caused by pulling funds back from departments, failing to keep commitments, etc., was such that she was facing her first major crisis. She opened envelope #1 to find that it stated "Blame the prior dean for poor planning." This she did, and the crisis was muted.
The next year more...

Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?"He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."