Decorate Jokes

1. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing
a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.

2. Wrap yourself in swaddling clothes and lay in the manger of
the neighbor's nativity scene.

3. Put on a Santa suit and open a mall kiosk that sells reindeer
jerky and Easter Bunny filets.

4. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick.
Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you
no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless bastards
for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.

5. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand
on the corner saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!" as women walk by.

6. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that
they've been naughty and won't be getting any presents this
year.

7. Create snow sculptures in your yard of snowmen in more...

Please circle the letter that best describes your response.
1. When dinner is served, what do you say?
A. Is the turkey done? How are the mashed potatoes? Could I
make some more gravy?
B. I get first pick! I paid for that turkey.
C. Who needs their wine topped off?
D. I want to open presents first.
E. Please pass the salad, and no, I’m not dating anybody.
F. Why is everybody here? It’s not my birthday, is it?
G. Are you going to finish that? I’ll be glad to finish
that for you.
2. When opening gifts, what do you say?
A. I’m going to save this pretty wrapping paper.
B. I paid $57. 95 for that and he’s playing with the box!
Play with the toy!!
C. I don’t need another 12-step book.
D. This stinks! I wanted a pokeasurusmon game.
E. Oh, great. Another tablecloth. I can use this while
eating take-out every night.
F. This is a wonderful hat. I can keep my government
secrets in more...

1. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing
a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.

2. Wrap yourself in swaddling clothes and lay in the manger of the neighbor's nativity scene.

3. Put on a Santa suit and open a mall kiosk that sells reindeer
jerky and Easter Bunny filets.

4. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick.
Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you
no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless bastards for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.

5. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho!" as women walk by.

6. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that they've been naughty and won't be getting any presents this year.

7. Create snow sculptures in your yard of snowmen in suggestive poses.

8. Buy a package of more...

This is a wonderful time of year when the humans decorate the home for us cats in anticipation of the visit from "Santa Claws." The tree went up yesterday, and so did we! Whee! Made it to the fourth branch within the first five minutes before the Big Owner chased us out of the tree.
So, as we do every year, we waited and watched the humans decorate the Cat-mas tree with all sorts of these things humans call "ornaments."
We call them "cat toys."
Ornaments are invitations to a cat, bright and shiny spheres just
daring us to knock them off. And we're pretty good at it,
considering all the trees they've decorated.
Every year humans hang the ornaments a little higher out of our
range, forcing us to elevate our game to knock them off. Humans
"ohhh and ahhh" as they decorate the Cat-mas tree. Us? We salivate in anticipation of the night's activities.
The humans retire to bed, as is custom during Cat-mas more...