Definition Jokes / Recent Jokes
Definition of a Wife:
(B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented (C)harming (H)omemaker
Definition of a Wife:(B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented (C)harming (H)omemaker
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Definition of bad lover:An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.
An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! Q: What's a gentleman? A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't. Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers. Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina? A: The accordion takes longer to burn. Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case. Q: What's an accordion good for? A: more...
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
Definition of ProgrammerProgrammer:A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.