Demon Jokes / Recent Jokes
A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer.
He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place.
"Well," said the demon, "the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don't!"
A patient complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night.
"Before it happens, do you see any dreams?" the doctor said.
"Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee."
"OK," the doctor said. "Next time you see the demon, say, "No, we've already peed."
Next time the patient came to the doctor, the latter asked, "So? Did you do as I said?
"Yes, I did."
"Did it help?"
"Yes, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse."
"How?"
"As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded and said, 'Then, let's shit a little."
Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...
A vampire joke
What happened to the mad vampire?
He went a little batty!
A demon joke
What is the best way to get rid of a demon?
Exorcise a lot!
A ghost joke
What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?
Tombstones!
A demon joke
Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
A vampire joke
Where do vampires go on holiday?
The Isle of Fright!
A vampire joke
What’s a vampire’s favourite soup?
Sharks’ fang soup!
A vampire joke
Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?
Ghouldilocks!
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Demon!
Demon who?
Demon are a ghouls best friend!