Deposit Jokes / Recent Jokes
HIS
Pull up to ATM
Insert card
Enter PIN number and account
Take cash, card and receipt
HERS
Pull up to ATM
Check makeup in rearview mirror
Shut off engine
Put keys in purse
Get out of car because you're too far from machine
Hunt for card in purse
Insert card
Hunt in purse for gum wrapper with PIN number written on it
Enter PIN number
Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
Hit "cancel"
Re-enter correct PIN number
Check balance
Look for envelope
Look in purse for pen
Make out deposit slip
Endorse checks
Make deposit
Study instructions
Make cash withdrawal
Get in car
Check makeup
Look for keys
Start car
Check makeup
Start pulling away
STOP
Back up to machine
Get out of car
Take card and receipt
Get back in car
Put card in wallet
Put receipt in checkbook
Enter deposits and more...
HIS
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look more...
Letterman’s Top Ten Signs You’re Doing Business With The Wrong Bank
10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don’t speak English.
6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.
5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin’ Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.
4. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.
1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez
His And Hers ATMsHIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it. 9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in more...
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man.
"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.
"Don't know of collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"I don't know; it has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.
"What are you more...
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other. 9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast. 8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon. 7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English. 6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault. 5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil. 4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants. 3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos. 2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED. 1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English.6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants.3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez