Desire Jokes / Recent Jokes

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...

A indian went to a whorehouse.
He went to the whoremaster and said "me want f**k."
The whoremaster asked if the indian had ever done it before. The indian said no. The whoremaster told him to pratice on a knothole for a week then to coem back.
The indian pratice for a week, then he came back and said me want f**k. The whoremaster gave him a key.
After a few minutes the whoremaster heard the whore screaming and he went to see what was happening and he saw the indian shoving a broom in and saying "me check for bees".

The Franklin Factor:
Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:
If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
You'll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule:
A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call:
Never pick up the phone on Saturday night.
It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:
They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The Rope Trick:
Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter:
No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder:
The faster way to discover more...

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in
recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we
shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.
The list of ingredients is as follows:
1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a
tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable
weight.
8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
1 gallon vodka (to numb the elves before you peel them and dice
them).
32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
3 gallons chicken stock.
salt, pepper, to taste.
Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.

Preparation:
Saute the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan, using some
olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the more...

There once was a man who worked in a pickle factory. He had this very great and
powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. This went on for
years, and finally he couldn't stand it. He decided that he had to do it.
The day he finally did it he arrived home from work at 11am. His wife was
very worried and asked what happened. For the first time, he explained to
her this long-time desire to put his dick in the pickle slicer.
The man's wife gasped and ran over to him, yanked his pants and briefs down,
and found his member perfectly intact.
"I don't understand," she exclaimed, "what happened to the pickle slicer?"
The man replied, "I think she got fired, too

To get us all in the Christmas spirit... Can you name these Christmas Songs? Answers found below.
-- Questions ---
Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
Ecstacy Toward The Orb
Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
Quiescent Nocturnal Period
The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
The Primary Carol
Embellish The Corridors
I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent, Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
I'm Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past Twilight
Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
The Coniferous Nativity
What Offspring Abides Thus?
Removed in a Bovine Feeding more...

I went into this department store and was greeted by a female salesgirl who said, "Good afternoon sir, and what is it you desire?"
I replied, "What I desire is to whisk ya outta here, take you to my secret hide-away, mix up a big pitcher of drinks, put on some soft music, and then make mad passionate love to ya all afternoon. However, what I need is some underwear and socks."