Desk Jokes / Recent Jokes
A country boy decides to join the Army. He walks into the recruiters office and announces, "I want to join the Army!" The recruiter offers the boy a seat across the desk from him, looks at the country boy and asks, "How old are you son?" The country boy answers, "Well, last year I was 22, but I can't figure out how old I am now. Let me go home and ask my mama, I reckon she's the only one who keeps up with my age." The country boy gets up and starts to leave.
The recruiter barks, "Son, get over here and sit down in this seat right this minute!" The country boy does as the recruiter orders him to. After a minute of eyeing the country boy, the recruiter asks, "Son, there ain't much between you and a fool is there?"
The country boy thinks it over for a minute, then replies, "Just this desk I guess."
Many years agao, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod -one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.
How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And more...
Many years agao, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod -one that did not admit Jews.The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion."The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.How was Jesus born?"Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem.""Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger.""That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"Mrs. more...
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
" They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
" This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
" Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
" I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
" I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
" I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
" Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
". .. in Jesus' name. Amen."
You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different more...
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim more...