Device Jokes / Recent Jokes

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning and farting.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 more...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.
Syntax Error - "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
GUI (pronounced "gooey") - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Hard Drive- The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User - Anyone more...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't afford.Obsolete - Any computer you own.Microsecond - The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.Syntax Error - "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.GUI (pronounced "gooey") - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.Hard Drive- The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.Portable Computer - A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.System Update - A quick method more...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'
Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.'
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business more...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become
obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the
computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."
Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy
a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a
Syntax Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
(pronounced "gooey")
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work more...

486
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art
Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete
Any computer you own.
Microsecond
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G4
Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, four times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."
Syntax Error
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI (pronounced "gooey")
What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Keyboard
The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer
A device invented to force businessmen to more...

Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you
thousands of years on trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will
destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver.
Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL
CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE!
YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND
TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO
ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEO CASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON
"FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD IS ALSO FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?
AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT???
WE MIGHT JUST AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE
SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?