Diamond Jokes / Recent Jokes

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank
goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client
out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken
aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the
guy outright."
So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting
to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will
only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to
be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The
Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No
problem! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the
man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. And as a
vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine more...