Diamonds Jokes / Recent Jokes

JUST FAUX FUN"Can you loan me faux dollars ?""What faux ?""To buy faux diamonds.""What do you need with faux diamonds ?""I have sixteen, but I need faux more.""Okay, why do you need twenty faux diamonds ?""No, just twenty, not twenty-faux .""You CAN'T be faux real! Besides, I don't have faux dollars.""Thanks faux nothing !""Why do you REALLY need faux dollars ?""Well, it's faux pas.""And why does pas need faux dollars ?""'Cause Ma SPENT all of his !"

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this KGB?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, and swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.
The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.
"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
"Yes."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

JUST FAUX FUN"Can you loan me faux dollars? " "What faux? " "To buy faux diamonds." "What do you need with faux diamonds? " "I have sixteen, but I need faux more." "Okay, why do you need twenty faux diamonds? " "No, just twenty, not twenty-faux. " "You CAN'T be faux real! Besides, I don't have faux dollars." "Thanks faux nothing! ""Why do you REALLY need faux dollars? " "Well, it's faux pas." "And why does pas need faux dollars? " "'Cause Ma SPENT all of his! "

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

The phone rings at Punjab Police headquaters. They answer: "Hello?"
"Hello, Is that the Punjab Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?'
"I'm calling to report my neighbour Santa Singh as an enemy of the
state. He is hiding diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the Punjab Police goons come over to Santa Singh's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Santa Singh and leave.
The phone rings at Santa Singh's house. He answers,"Hello."
"Hello Santa! Did the Punjab Police come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?'
"Yes they did."
"O. K., now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway. You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can. You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits. And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore.' Cuz you married me back in' 74. Still them fellers at work they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles and stick' em in the can. Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. Yo're as cute as a more...

JUST FAUX FUN

"Can you loan me faux dollars? "
"What faux? "
"To buy faux diamonds."

"What do you need with faux diamonds? "
"I have sixteen, but I need faux more."

"Okay, why do you need twenty faux diamonds? "
"No, just twenty, not twenty-faux. "

"You CAN'T be faux real! Besides, I don't have faux dollars."
"Thanks faux nothing! "

"Why do you REALLY need faux dollars? "
"Well, it's faux pas."

"And why does pas need faux dollars? "
"'Cause Ma SPENT all of his! "