Die Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.


Humor About Elderly PeopleOLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving
OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail
OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY"
OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise
OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals
OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles
OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away
OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around
OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole
OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast

Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.


Jokes about the elderlyOLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance
OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part
OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted
OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures
OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate
OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world
OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest
OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

1. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

1. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

1. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

1. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

1. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to more...

OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zipOLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the typeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte itOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompileOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with lifeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bitsOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addressesOLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurseOLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gasOLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away... OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horseOLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass awayOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to piecesOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,' Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.'' Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.'' Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.'' And, most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.' On the way home, the husband asked his wife,' more...

We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list... If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors, you blame the rock' n' roll music or musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun more...

A POEM WRITTEN BY AN AFRICAN SHAKESPEARE
Dear white fella
Couple things you should know
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.
You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey..
And you have the cheek to call me coloured?????