Die Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...

3 Easy Ways to Die:
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE
Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.
A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC

OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe OLD IMMORTALS [vampires, whatever] never die, they just... don't OLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over OLD JOKES never die, they just get retold by the young OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed OLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it again OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor''s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the
wife into his office alone.

He said,"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don''t do the following, your
husband will surely DIE!!!"

"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he''s in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don''t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don''t discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.

Encourage him to watch some type
of sporting event on T. V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week,
and satisfy his every more...

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries.. But, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race. .. you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework. .. you're a pansy. If you work too hard. .. there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough. .. you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay. .. this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay. .. you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her. .. that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you. .. it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks. .. it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet. .. it's male indifference. If you cry. .. you're a wimp. If you don't. .. you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her. .. you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you. .. she's a liberated woman. If you ask more...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
1) Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
2) At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
3) For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
4) Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said.
She replied: "You're going to die."

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. "You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first. "Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the America n. "What is your last more...