Different Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says to her husband, "For our anniversary this year, you can ask me one question, any question you want too! and I will answer it truthfully."
The husband replies, "Okay, this has been bothering me for a long time, but I haven't had the courage to ask before... I have noticed that all of our eight children look similar to one another except one. I can't figure out how he got to look so different. Did he have a different father than the rest?"
The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in the eyes. Slowly she replies, "Yes, he did have a different father."
Her husband was taken aback. "Oh! Okay... I must know. Please tell me. Who was that child's father?"
Again she cannot look her husband in the eyes. She is very distressed and after a long silence she slowly said, "YOU".

You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.
You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance:
(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor.
(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.
You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
The process becomes more important than the product.
You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
You keep more...

Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had more...

* A "baby monitor." Makes those closed door meetings easier to hear.
* A pregnancy test kit with a positive result and an unsigned note saying: I told you that damn condom ripped.
* Put a piece of tape on the underside of his mouse. That way the ball doesn't roll and it will take the jerk and the IS department all day to figure it out.
* 32 beepers, all stashed in different places. (Borrow them from managers who are forced to wear them 24 hours a day.) Page a different beeper every 15 minutes. This works especially well if you also switch his morning decaf with espresso.
* First, simply hide pot seeds and watch as your clueless boss waters and nurtures the plants daily. Second, watch as escorted out of the building three months later by security.
* Thong, lace bra the morning after the company Christmas party.
* Nonchalantly drop lingerie and then kick it under the front of his desk (where he can't see it, but visitors can) early in the morning more...

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them. DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up. OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers more...

Gary, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret.

"Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.

The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."

Gary thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.

The next day, Gary returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck.

Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.

"Excuse me," asked Gary, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"

"Well, I can but I am not sure it more...

Do you know the difference between women at the age of 8,18,28,38,48 & 58?
8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed.
38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
58 - You stay in bed all day to avoid her story!!!